One Foot in Front of the Other

November 14, 2003. September 7, 2006. April 26, 2014. These are the dates in my life when the two lines on the test told me that I was carrying life. With Grace, our first, I took one test. She was born in July the following year. With Clark, our second, I took one test, and he was born the following May. With our third, I took two tests...on the first day. I took another test on the next day. I took another test several days later. For some reason, I needed to see it in two lines that I was really pregnant. Either that, or, deep down, I was afraid that something might be wrong. It turned out that I was right.

On the day of my miscarriage, I began in denial. I knew what was happenening, but I did not want to acknowledge it. I pleaded with the doctor to do something. There was nothing to be done. I could not think about it; I could not verbalize a prayer. When sleep came, I finally rested in the truth that God loved me, and I trusted that He Himself would give me the strength I needed. When I awoke, I could feel the arms of God wrapping Himself around me and comforting me with His love. And, there was something else. The Lord had given me joy even on the day on my loss. The joy from the Lord was my strength.

One thing you discover after any type of big event in your life is that the rest of the world continues on. The sun still rises and sets. People come and go. There are still responsibilities. You must learn to carry your feelings and yet carry on. I knew I needed something to do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. When you are in a place you've never been before, God is already there. You read His words from a different perspective, and it's like reading them for the first time.

The book of Psalm is one my favorite books of the Bible. This was where I began. I used no Bible studies or commentaries; I just read. I started at the first chapter, sometimes reading a chapter or two; other times, I might read pages. At first, the words were like cool water on a burn. Soon, the words would give me warmth like that of a hot mug between my cold hands. Then, it became like gold, a treasure I had sought, and it found me.

After I finished the book, my soul thirsted for more. I began to read it again. Verse after verse reminded me of who God is and what He has done. I poured the words into my soul, quickly at first, and then, savoring every morsel. As a prospector tests the authenticity of gold by biting it, I could feel myself "biting" into the words, testing them, seeing that they were really real. They heaped up inside of me. I had treasure I could sink my teeth and my whole self into. The Maker of the stars and the Planner of my salvation was giving this to me to show me that He was here and He was there and He would be with me through it all. He was paying attention to me no matter His bigness and in spite of my smallness. My pitiful, sinful self was being cared for and healed by My Shepherd. My Redeemer was now also the Rock I could stand on. The Word of the Lord is both active and living, and, to Him, I give all the glory, honor, and praise for what He has done.

I am reminded of the account of Jesus and the blind beggar in John 9. Jesus sees a man, begging at the temple gates, blind since birth. The disciples question Jesus as to whether it was the man or his parents that sinned so that he would be born into this affliction. Though the Bible tells us that sin can be the cause of our suffering, Jesus quickly responded that this man suffered not because of sin but so the work of God might be displayed in his life. Jesus then does what has never in the history of the world been done before. He created new eyes for the man to see. Creates them. Because He is God in the flesh. This man goes to wash in the pool of Siloam and comes back a man who can see. Now, when the people who knew him see that he is no longer blind, they want to hear from him how this could have happened. And the man tells them that Jesus healed him. The people take the man to the religious council to try to get an explanation for what has happened. The man tells them the same story. He was blind, Jesus healed him, and now he can see. But unbelief blinds their minds. They ask others; they ask his parents; again, they ask him. How could Jesus take a situation that was hopeless and turn it into miraculous? The man not only continues to tell them the same story, but he ultimately becomes the first man thrown out of the synagogue for his belief in Jesus. Afterwards, when Jesus finds the man, He asks if he believes in Him. The man readily responds in faith. The first thing the man does? Worships. He worships Jesus who has taken the darkness out of his life both physically and spiritually. It was through his despairing circumstances that Jesus could heal him, and he, in turn, gave all the glory, honor, and praise to the Healer.

Most of us have probably not had such a serious episode in our lives where we are reduced to the level of physical and emotional poverty as this man. The man who had suffered so much and for so long was now cured. And what did he do? When the treasure became his, he shared his story with everyone who would listen to him. He was not afraid of the consequences; he was bold. And, he worshiped.

If we have faith in our Savior as he did, we should be like him. We should be sharing our testimonies of hope and love and joy. We should be worshiping our Rock and Redeemer because it is only through Him that we have light and life. All of us have seen pain and suffering, loss and affliction; we've felt the overwhelming weight of the wretchedness of this world. People are being crushed in the cogs, and Satan is trying to squeeze the joy right out of their lives.

If you are questioning the circumstances of your life, begin today reading your Bible and praying for His strength and healing. You can only become rich if you start out poor.

My favorite verse for this period in my life is found in I Chronicles 16:11 and is repeated in Psalm 105:4.

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always.

#strength #joy #psalm #treasure #john9